‘(New Year’s Eve)’ a poem by Sana Janjua

‘i am fewer in pieces than your estimation of my splintered self’

it’s here
the stabbing of the heart

gritty against my eyes
like Nusrat says it is
until it no longer is

the sealine seamlessly beckons
inviting the gulls to conjure up the final witnessing
of the birth of turtles

eternally towering
like this island

i hum discursiveness
about the fire
into the dark road

i lighten up
with an out of tune song
to say i too noticed those roses

(thank you,

concealing my mossy green ideation
as if what had to be sanctified shall be
at this attempt of mine

to put your life in order
or mine
or this composure of time which tells

we met commemorating
what genocide left us with
your people and mine

it’s my heart
i sleep with the fool
and know it better than the aloofness of a poem

a trigger is a doorknock
a stranger pouring coffee two aisles away
a long pause to announce the guilt is mine to possess

what does it retain?
the shunting of memory leaves behind marks
that a singular morning ray reveals damage to be beyond control

this was the last time
i ever planned to speak of it
i am fewer in pieces than your estimation of my splintered self

it’s the sweetest
and preserved as such
it shall be our our lasting love apart from each other.


‘Consent’ by Sana Janjua

he finishes the foul smelling cheese that i nibbled at and rejected,

tastes all the drinks i poured myself to retch and show disdain for my ambivalence,

drops on my shoulder when cant-pronounce-Arthur tipsy,

sprawls his legs on mine to find comfort in having a feeling fellow-being so close yet so far,

shows me his latest mujra steps perfected to nurture the inner calling,

reveals pictures of testosterone invested naked souls born for us to view and wow as we believe so in our carnal dreams,

picks at the crumbs off my mouth when i baby-eat sushi,

gives the stalker a “maula jutt be damned; i will not let you harm my girl” kinda look when i press,

calls himself a baji, begum, khatoon, jahan aarah, taranum, sangeeta, mastaani.

but, what he doesn’t do is:
stroke my tail bone without my consent,

(“Consent”, Jan 20, 2017)

‘Clear-eyed warrior friend. (gracias a la vida)’ by Sana Janjua

sana-2017in wilderness of solitude

people intellectualize: exile, poverty, torture. my friend doesn’t. for years on end, there is no sharing of personal stories that may have caused tears. in the piece i am posting below, she writes, “tears are irrelevant in this place”, when in her company i sob, incessantly, as afghanistan’s farkhanda is murdered, syria’s kurdi washes up on the coast, pakistan’s taseer takes the bullet. there are times when i just know i have to go to her, and she listens, often without looking at me.

cathartic writing is de facto primal, fauzia has always said to me, and crying adheres only to the beginning of the process of writing. crying, she doesn’t denounce, but sees as part of the process, seminal but not central. there are many people who cry as they write, and every word causes a downpour of the big wave. post-crying, the swarm of bees, references of personal associations with the subject, clear; clarity sets in; a poem/story takes off. i don’t understand what she means; i just respond to the emotion, and the sense of justice it is tied to.

then, here and there: a few stories appear: personal political, or political personal. through the apertures, i learn a thing or two about the exile, the torture, and the poverty. bereft of the lived experience, i contemplate what such terms we host in the often too intellectualized spaces really mean, and can’t get past the “factory-farmed” meanings. yet, there is no crying, just ongoing solidarity with those who we pathologize, and take pictures of, often without asking, to adorn our own sense of charity. surrey muse is un-funded, singularly imagined to create spaces for all kinds of people, especially those who don’t have a space to go to, and this is her vision; the rest of us founding members haven’t found another working formula to wrestle white privilege, and structural ghettoization* of writers of color, especially the ones fighting for the means to move to the end, any end: a small chapbook, self-published, with one’s name entering an imagined canon of sorts.

she writes, in 2015, an autobiographical story about her love for flowers, in telling a tale that is otherwise seeped in the history of violence against the people of color, and the treatment refugees receive in canada, which she ends with a comparison between herself, and a minority in Pakistan/a black man in the US/an Aboriginal female in Canada. yet again, she doesn’t cry for herself, or for others for that matter. here too, the stress is on the struggles of other people: a comparison that hierarchically puts her in a place of power, invisibilizing her own struggles, at once cognizant of her own privilege of what she can do and another can’t.

how can you cry when you write a poem on blasphemy?
or white supremacy? or religious extremism? or the duress which silences, shames, strips us of dignity? you just reveal your small brown frame, and say: i am here, like farkhanda, writing from the niche i created myself, standing amidst the surveillance points, thinking past the hallucinatory states, in clear-eyed solidarity.

i am so proud of my friend. i love her. and, i love the work she does. silently.

The link to her post:
Memory Wall on the Strip: a Mirror for the Officials of the City of Surrey

*(forgive me, if you are sensitive about the term, and see it in the exclusive framing of the african american people’s struggles, but this post is in solidarity with those struggles, and accept my gratitude for seeing it that way.)

From Sana’s facebook timeline, December 31st, 23:06.

New Reading Group in Surrey – meeting Fri Nov 25

Surrey Muse, a new reading and presentation group, begins with its first meeting this Friday Nov 25 featuring a guest author, a featured poet, and a featured playwtight. Each 15-20 minute presentation will have ten minutes of discussion. Refreshments will be followed by an Open Mic.

The group meets every Fourth Friday of each month except December.

Surrey Muse – First Meeting
Friday November 25, 2011
5:30 – 7:30 PM
Room 418
City Centre branch
Surrey Public Library
Phone: (604) 598-7420
(Surrey Central skytrain)

Guest Author: Susan Crean
Featured Poet: Manolis
Featured Playwright: Sana Janjua
Host: Valerie B.-Taylor

Open Mic

Free event
Donations welcome

Contact: surrey.muse@gmail.com
Web Page: http://surreymuse.wordpress.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Surrey-Muse/257728917595039

Next meeting: Friday, January 27, 2012