‘(New Year’s Eve)’ a poem by Sana Janjua

‘i am fewer in pieces than your estimation of my splintered self’

it’s here
the stabbing of the heart

gritty against my eyes
like Nusrat says it is
until it no longer is

the sealine seamlessly beckons
inviting the gulls to conjure up the final witnessing
of the birth of turtles

eternally towering
like this island

i hum discursiveness
about the fire
into the dark road

i lighten up
with an out of tune song
to say i too noticed those roses

(thank you,

concealing my mossy green ideation
as if what had to be sanctified shall be
at this attempt of mine

to put your life in order
or mine
or this composure of time which tells

we met commemorating
what genocide left us with
your people and mine

it’s my heart
i sleep with the fool
and know it better than the aloofness of a poem

a trigger is a doorknock
a stranger pouring coffee two aisles away
a long pause to announce the guilt is mine to possess

what does it retain?
the shunting of memory leaves behind marks
that a singular morning ray reveals damage to be beyond control

this was the last time
i ever planned to speak of it
i am fewer in pieces than your estimation of my splintered self

it’s the sweetest
and preserved as such
it shall be our our lasting love apart from each other.

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